December 13

Today would have been Chelsea's 17^th birthday.

Although it's been almost eight weeks since she left us, it feels like it happened yesterday.  There are constant reminders of our loss.

I recently went to the county government building to renew our dogs' licenses, and I told the lady that Chelsea had passed away.  I watched as she deleted Chelsea from our record.  It took everything I had to hold it together until I was back in the car, where I sat alone and sobbed.

My dad came to visit this weekend, and immediately remarked upon entering the house that this was the first time he'd been here without Peanut to greet him at the door ("Peanut" was his nickname for Chelsea her entire life).

I set up my new classroom and it is the only one I've ever had in which a current photo of Chelsea was not displayed.

But perhaps the most constant reminder is every single day when there is no little face looking up at me expectantly because she wants my coffee.  This was our daily routine and I would give anything to share my coffee with her again.

It's really all of the "firsts" without her that keep popping up that are heartbreaking – I haven't had it in me to do Christmas cards yet because I really don't know if I can handle the idea of her photo not being on them.  I realize it is now December 13th and that there is a serious chance I will not send Christmas cards this year.

However, I have some wonderful people in my life who share in my grief and who remind me each day of how comical Chelsea was – and those happy memories are slowly healing my heart.

My mom kindly attended the Remembrance Ceremony hosted at our veterinary office in our place, since we were out of town.  She shared stories about Chelsea – particularly about her affinity for coffee.  She brought Chelsea's ornament from the ceremony home and it will hang on our tree.  You may recall that we attended last year's ceremony as well.

One of my best friends had this bookmark made for me…it reads, "The ones that love us never really leave us" and has a paw print stamped on it.  The heart reads, "Chelsea #1."  I was overwhelmed when I opened this gift.  So perfect.

C gave me this same quote – one of my favorite J.K. Rowling quotes – as a framed print and I cannot wait to hang in our house.

Another dear friend gave me this plant in honor of Chelsea.  I have never, ever, ever been able to keep a plant alive, but I am on a mission to do so with this particular plant!

And today, her birthday, my mom gave me this card and the flowers, and C gave me the Dumbo mug with the "Baby Mine" scene on it.

I am so fortunate to be surrounded by kind and thoughtful people and I am thankful each and every day for the gift of having them in my life.

Finally, I bought something for myself:  a pair of Tinker Bell mouse ears.  Chelsea's middle name was Tinker Bell – she was tiny and feisty, so it suited her well – and I love all things Tinker Bell because of that.  I can't wait to wear the ears on our next Disney adventure.

We miss our girl terribly, but love the amazing memories we have because of her.

Happy Tails to you!