The Force Awakens

Spoiler Alert

I avoided any and all Star Wars talk for weeks in anticipation of seeing the movie, and I've refrained from talking about it for as long as possible.  Now that it has grossed more than a billion dollars worldwide and has been in theaters for two weeks, I have decided it's fairly safe to write about it.

However, if you have not seen it yet, stop reading now.

Seriously.  Stop reading.

You will be angry with yourself if you keep reading and you spoil it!

You've been warned!

My one sentence review:
I enjoyed the movie, but I was devastated.

I have a long-running and well-established love of Star Wars, and of Han Solo and Princess Leia in particular.  Check out my Halloween costume in 1980!  I was Princess Leia from Hoth and I was OBSESSED with her.

As for Han Solo?  He is, without question, the longest standing crush of my life - and by extension, of course, Harrison Ford is, too.  C has known that Han Solo had my heart long before he did and he's pretty okay with it.  I honestly don't remember a time in my life when I was not in love with Han Solo, and as a young girl, all I wanted to do was grow up and marry him.  In many ways, I like to think I did just that.

My own real life Han Solo gave me this bracelet on the 27^th anniversary of our first phone call (and the day we consider the beginning of our story), which happened to be December 17.  The Force Awakens was opening later that night.  I was so hyped up about this movie that it was perhaps bordering on embarrassing, but - not sure if I've mentioned this already - I love Star Wars!  We held off seeing the movie until we could go with family, which wasn't until Christmas Eve, and the wait was excruciating.

In 1999, when the prequels came out, after a 16-year Star Wars drought, I drove 7.5 hours to sign my brother J out of boarding school when he was 16 and we went to the first midnight showing of The Phantom Menace.  The next morning, I drove him back to school and I drove 7.5 hours home.  That is the level of dedication I have to Star Wars.

So when I finally saw The Force Awakens with my family on Christmas Eve, I was so proud of myself for having avoided any and all spoilers.  I had almost no idea what to expect.  The only thing C and I did to "prepare" for the movie was to watch Episodes 1-6 in the days leading up to December 24.

My tears began when it was clear Han and Leia did not get their happily ever after.  What?!?  Unacceptable.  I felt completely and utterly betrayed.

And then when Kylo Ren killed Han Solo, I completely lost it.  Seriously.  Like the blotchy-face, whole-body-heaving type of crying.  More than a week later, I am still not over it.  I have adored this character my entire life.  When other people were all about Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, or Boba Fett, I only had one love:  Han Solo.

As a result, no other fictional death has ever impacted me so deeply.

Don't get me wrong – I grow extremely attached to book and movie characters more than I care to admit.

Sirius Black?  Dumbledore?  Hedwig?  Absolutely awful.  These deaths seemed so unfair and were heartbreaking.

Old Dan and Little Ann in Where the Red Fern Grows?  Tragic and soul crushing.  I cry just talking about that book. 

And then there's Bing Bong.  Bing Bong's death comes close.  Very, very close.

But unlike Han Solo, I had not loved Bing Bong for the entirety of my life when he died on screen.

The fact is that I was blindsided when Han Solo was murdered.  I had no idea that was going to happen and so I was completely unprepared because I was predicting a very different outcome for that scene.  I sobbed from that moment until the end of the film.  And then when I was in the theater lobby with my family afterwards, I wavered between feeling so sad I was unable to articulate the depth of my despair to so livid that I could not say anything positive about the movie (other than how adorable BB-8 was – I mean, come on – how could anyone see the movie and not love BB-8?!?).

Obviously I have calmed down since seeing the movie, but I am not over it.  I'd like to see the movie a second time because I know there were so many details I missed, but I cannot relive Han Solo's death again.  My family keeps trying to explain the necessity of his death to me, and maybe after Episodes 8 and 9 are released, I will feel differently.  Right now, though?  No, thanks.  I'll just re-watch Episodes 4-6 and re-live what is, in my opinion, the greatest movie kiss of all time:

Happy Tails to you!