The Log Dog Blog: Life Lately October 2021

Despite my optimism that October would be be a better month than September, it was awful. Probably the worst month of my life. Ginny was admitted to the emergency vet hospital on October 7 and we said goodbye to her on October 11. Then on October 26, my precious grandma passed away. So much sadness in such a short amount of time. I was not ready for either loss.

I feel like I pretty much spent the entire month in a fog. All I can say is that I am so very grateful for my family and friends who have showered me with such love and kindness during this time. I have colleagues who hugged me and said just what I needed to hear day after day, friends who repeatedly called/emailed/texted to check in on me, and family who shared in my grief because they loved Ginny and my grandma, too.

But as always, there is one person. The one I always lean on. The one who has been my steadfast compass for almost 33 years. It's pretty easy to be a great spouse or friend when things are going well; it's when times are tough that people show their true colors. What C has done for me over the past three-plus weeks required a level of selflessness I cannot even describe. I would keep it together during the day at school and pretty much have a breakdown every night and he dried my tears and listened to me rant and held my hand and made me laugh, day in and day out. Ordinary things. Things that he has always done for me. But these are not little things. They are big things. Because he was heartbroken, too. He lost his little best friend when we said goodbye to Ginny. While I went to school each day and saw my friends and got hugs and love and support, he was working at home, alone, in a silent house with no Ginny. And then I would come home and fall apart and he would put aside his own grief and take care of me.

We've been together a very long time. I always use the hashtag #ridiculouslyhappymarriage on our selfies on IG because we do have an insanely happy marriage. Sometimes people will ask something along the lines of "what's your secret?" and I never know how to answer because I don't think there is a secret since every relationship is unique. But I always think back to something I read about marriage many years ago and that is that in a marriage, sometimes you're the flower and sometimes you're the gardener. You take turns. You don't keep score. You do what it takes to help your spouse thrive. Simple as that.

I count my lucky stars to be married to him. During the good times, he is great. During the bad times, he is even greater.

I am bidding October farewell because while I feel like I don't know where the time went, I also feel like it was the longest month in the history of time. The photos of Ginny posted below are from the beginning of the month that I haven't shared before now, along with a few others from October. I can't believe how my life has changed in 31 days.

But I got to hug both of my brothers today. The three of us were together. And for that reason alone, November is already a better month.

I miss her so much

I was trying to change the sheets
and she did not want to get up

so she hid her face from me
and went back to sleep

I was eating cheese and she wanted some

our last family pic together

she was not impressed that I kept trying to put my sunglasses on her

October 6 - regular vet visit

our tradition is that whenever
one of our dogs had to go to the vet,
dinner that night was a cheeseburger

she was very excited

and tried to bite through the paper

we didn't know this would be her last
dinner at home with us ever

I sat with her in a huge fuzzy blanket and C took the pic as a joke bc we looked so ridiculous, but I love that this was how she spent her
last night at home

I added her pic to the most important
section of my bulletin board

my presh

we've given away/donated most of the
dog "things" - beds, blankets, leashes, etc. -
but the water bowl, although empty, remains
in its spot our kitchen and I don't know that
we are ever going to put it away