I Saw the Signs

Two years ago today, I lost the most unconditional and steadfast love of my life.

It is mind-boggling to me that I've lived two years without my mom.

I still want to call her on my way home after school each day.

To tell her when some good happens.

To tell her when something not-so-good happens.

To let her know we've boarded our plane or we've landed at our destination or we've checked into our hotel.

To ask for her advice or have her recall something - a name, a song, a show - because it has escaped me.

I don't think there will ever be a day when I won't want to call her.

I think about her all the time, especially in the quiet moments, when I'm alone.

But also in the noisy moments, when my brothers, my sisters-in-law, my niece, my nephews, and our dogs are all together and it's loud and messy and we're laughing and talking over each other, and I just think to myself, "Mom would love this."

731 days of thinking about her and wishing she were still here.

731 days of navigating life without her.

Death anniversaries are so difficult and I've been contemplating this day across the entirety of this trip. My mom loved to travel and she visited all seven continents, but one of the adventures she loved best was the trip she took to Africa with my aunt. She knew we were planning a trip to Africa, but we lost her before we had any concrete plans to share. My last-ever conversation with her was about traveling and being happy and I can't even count the number of times on this trip that I've wanted to facetime with her or send her pics of the animals we've seen. She loved rhinoceroses and spoke about how seeing them in the wild really left an impression on her heart; I know she would have been so happy to learn about the work they're doing at the rhino orphanage we visited.

When I thought about writing this post, I had so many things to say about loss and grief. I had song lyrics and quotes to share.

But I've decided to take a different approach. Not because I'm "done" grieving...I will never be "done" and I consider the grief I carry the price I pay for having been gifted such an extraordinary mother.

my mom and me

Instead, I'm sharing a few signs that she has been with me on this trip. If that's not your thing, that's ok. It doesn't have to be.

It's my thing. I consider myself a very logical and science-based person, but I am also a romantic. And these little signs have brought me great happiness and a sense of comfort that I don't need anyone else to understand.

So on this, the second anniversary of her death, I'm capturing them here.

One sign was only two days ago when we were in Dubai. We were at the Museum of the Future, and in the gift shop was this glass tube with these neon words in it:

"Fly Me to the Moon" was our song...the song she sang to me when I was a baby and continued singing to me throughout my life. I love that song more than I can say and I played it for her and sang it to her the day before she passed away. It's a request I make when I'm at a piano bar and we had matching bracelets with those words engraved on them:

So when I saw that glass tube and those words in the gift shop, I felt my mom was sending me a sign.

Another sign was also in Dubai. When I was a child, I was terrified of butterflies. Terrified. To ease my fears, my mom made me a hat covered in colorful butterflies (if I can find a picture of that hat, I will share it at a later time!) and I wore it often and learned to love butterflies because of her. C and I went to a butterfly garden a few days ago, and a butterfly landed on me. Not just for a few seconds. Not just a minute or two. But for over half an hour as I walked around, talked to C, and took photos, it stayed with me. I had to gently remove it when it was time to go. I time stamped the selfies I took with it on my sleeve:

So when that butterfly chose me and stayed with me, I felt my mom was sending me a sign.

The final sign was when we were out on a game drive at the second property on our safari. C and I were sitting on the roof of the vehicle and my mom was very much on my mind. I was thinking, "I hope she's looking down on us right now...I bet she can't believe I'm actually sitting on the top of this vehicle! I hope she's proud of me for throwing caution to the wind in the name of adventure!" And out of nowhere - it had been a little overcast during the day, but it had not been raining - a rainbow appeared, right when we spotted a mother rhinoceros and her baby:

I cried and cried and cried on the top of that vehicle because when I saw that rainbow over that mother and baby, I knew my mom was sending me a sign.

Although she's no longer here with me, she is with me. Always.

Sometimes I read through my text conversation with her - it's filled with little gems that make me smile, like cute animal memes, nature pictures, and the like. I came across this that she sent to me on my 50th birthday, less than two months before she passed away, and it reminds me how lucky I am be have been loved like this:

“Love as powerful as your mother's for you

leaves its own mark...

to have been loved so deeply,

even though the person who loved us is gone,

will give us some protection forever.”

~ Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ~

Miss you so much, Mom. Thanks for letting me know you're out there.

Happy Tails to you...

Dubai July 2025

Once we had the safari planned, we had to decide what else to do with my summer break. I shared a few posts back about adding Germany to the beginning of the trip because we could fly direct from Frankfurt to Nairobi and going to Frankfurt meant we could visit Neuschwanstein Castle. In terms of what we decided to do after the safari, we originally planned to fly from Nairobi to Istanbul, but we ended up having so much trouble with Turkish Airlines not being able to assign us seats that we cancelled that leg of the trip (we had even gone to the airport to speak with someone in person to sort out the issues because we'd been having zero luck for weeks over the phone). The frustration was too much and we decided Istanbul was not in the cards this year!

Enter Dubai! We could fly direct from Nairobi and it would be another country to add to our list! We also had the opportunity to fly on Emirates for the first time.

We left the Retreat at Giraffe Manor around 7:15 on Thursday evening for our red-eye flight from Nairobi to Dubai, which left some time for us to enjoy the lounge at the airport before boarding. Our seats were in Economy, which is always absolutely fine with us as long as it's just a pair of seats, and we were happy to get going and see a new country! We'd heard so many great things about Emirates, but that was absolutely not our experience on this particular flight. There were so many people getting on the plane, looking lost, unable to figure out their seats, sitting in the wrong rows...just general chaos. Lots of language barriers. Nervous flyers. Lack of overhead bin space. All things the flight attendants should have been assisting with. And there were certainly enough of them in our section of the plane! But they weren't helping anyone. Just standing around chatting with each other for 20-25 minutes while the passengers struggled. Thankfully, people took pity on one another, helping each other get to the correct seats and store their carry-on bags. When I tell you I was thoroughly unimpressed with those flight attendants, I really mean it. Absolutely no customer service skills.

It was a five-hour flight to Dubai and I literally slept from right before takeoff until we landed, so thankfully I didn't have to have any direct dealings with the flight attendants. The one cool thing I will say is that at one point, I woke up for a minute to take a drink of water and I noticed that the ceiling of the plane looked like the night sky and I certainly loved that!

When we landed in Dubai just before 5:00 am and this was the temperature. Yikes! he Dubai airport is super modern, but it is massive and we had to deplane down a staircase and then take a very long bus ride over to the terminal! Thankfully it didn't take much time to get through passport control and pick up our bags!

5:00 am!!!

We took an uber to our hotel and the staff at the Conrad Dubai could not have been more accommodating! When we asked if there was any way our room was ready, their response was, "I will work something out for you!" before handing us our room keys, which was amazing, given that it was 6:45 am! They gave us a corner room on the 33rd floor and we loved every second we spent there!

Here's a random sampling of some of the temperatures we faced over our three-day visit. Obviously these two Canadians were not exactly in their element! To avoid the heat as best we could, we tried to find some indoor things to do during the day and then only wander around at night, but it was still so hot out!

11:30 am

8:30 pm

12:45 pm

4:15 pm

2:05 pm

9:55 pm

the metro system was great!

orderly!

clean!

the cool water feature
at the Dubai Mall

the mall had a huge
ice skating rink in it

and an aquarium

honestly, it was really clean
everywhere we went

another mall had an Egyptian theme

including displays like this

and a cool stained glass ceiling

this museum was all about UAE
establishing their independence

it was pretty fascinating

yet another mall had a ski hill inside

with talking reindeer

and a fully functioning chairlift

another domed ceiling...
these are the fanciest malls!

did not expect to find TH in Dubai!

this was a neat immersive experience

we also went to the Museum of the Future

to be honest, it was a very strange place,
but the building itself was amazing,
especially at night!

spent a few hours at a butterfly garden

for all three days we were there,
it was extremely hazy, which did not
make for very good photos!

Dubai is a cool city and I'm glad we visited for three days, but it's not a place I felt particularly comfortable while we were there. Nothing specific, but rather just a general vibe that doesn't really resonate with me...overt displays of wealth and a reverence toward overconsumption, maybe? I can't really put my finger on it. Not saying I wouldn't ever come back here, but there are definitely so many other places I want to see and revisit!

Happy Tails to you!