144 days.
That's how long we were lucky enough to have Riley in our lives.
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| our girl |
She was such a sweet and gentle dog. It didn't matter that she was blind; she quickly learned the layout of the house and puttered around happily. It took Ginny some time, but she warmed up to her and they would sleep side by side on the couch or sit together in the car when we went for rides.
She had an ulcer in her eye, which we treated with eyedrops, but other than that, she didn't seem to have any health issues beyond those to be expected with her advanced age – some mild arthritis, a few fatty tumors, occasional back pain, etc. She never exhibited much in the way of behaviors that would cause us concern.
That is, until about two weeks ago.
She yelped when I picked her up. She yelped a second time when Ginny walked past her on the couch. Very out of the ordinary for her.
Our beloved vet changed veterinary practices, so we followed her to the new clinic, but she is currently going through her own health challenges, so we made an appointment for Riley at our former vet clinic because they offer extended hours. We kept an eye on Riley, and she seemed like she was feeling all right, so we ended up canceling that appointment which was scheduled for March 6.
We watched her carefully and my mom was home with her throughout the day, so she was never left alone. As the days passed, she just didn't quite seem like herself. Our vet was working on March 13, so we made an appointment and C planned to work from home that day so that he could take her.
On March 12, my mom texted me throughout the day to give me updates because Riley was not doing well. She thought it was imperative that Riley be seen that day, so I made an appointment for that evening at our former vet clinic, thinking we could cancel the appointment with Dr. T. the next day if Riley didn't need to be seen again.
When C and I took her in that night, we were nervous – not only to have our worst fears realized, but also because we'd be seeing a vet we didn't know. The vet was incredible with Riley. So kind and gentle. After a physical exam revealed that she might be experiencing some discomfort in her back (always a major concern with Dachshunds), she suggested an x-ray. When she came back into the room, she told us the good news was that Riley's spine looked great and showed us the x-ray. While we have no medical training whatsoever, Riley is our eighth Dachshund, and we have seen many x-rays of spines and we can usually tell when things look normal and when something is wrong. Riley's x-ray looked fantastic in terms of her spine. But then the vet said she wanted to do an ultrasound because her abdomen looked problematic, and when that came back, we heard words no one ever wants to hear. Riley had cancer on and in her spleen, and it had already metastasized and spread to her liver.
Bottom line: inoperable.
Prognosis: not good.
We decided to take her home and go to the scheduled appointment the next morning with Dr. T. to get her advice and insight. I took the morning off from work and C and I took her Friday morning to explore our options.
Dr. T. has been our vet for 16 years and helped four of our girls cross the Rainbow Bridge (Molly, Gunni, Duchess, and Sadie). She has seen me at my worst and has comforted us through some of the darkest days of our lives. We trust her without question and we discussed at length how to proceed with Riley. After looking at the results and reading the report, she concurred that there was nothing we could do except keep her comfortable. We almost said goodbye to Riley that morning because I did not want her to suffer in any way. Dr. T. suggested we take her home with some meds and make the most of our time with her. She also thought we needed some time to process what was happening because this was so unexpected and heartbreaking. Dr. T. was scheduled to work again on Tuesday, so we decided we would bring Riley back then.
We brought her home and I went to school for the afternoon. Everything seemed so surreal to me, amplified by the fact we were notified that school would be closing for several weeks. Suddenly we had to clean off tables and desks in our rooms and pack up whatever we thought we would need to have at home with us. Such a bizarre feeling. But teachers are amazing and I'm once again in awe of the people I work with and their dedication to students. I know they are going to support their students in every way they can until things return to normal.
On a selfish and personal level, I am exceptionally grateful to have been home from school on Monday and Tuesday so that I could be with Riley.
We spent her last days making very happy memories. She ate cheeseburgers, went for car rides, ate chips and ice cream, and was smothered with love.
Our big adventure was to take Riley to the ocean. You may recall back in October 2018, we took Ginny to the ocean for the first time. She did not particularly love the experience, but I have very fond memories of that day! Ocean City, MD is about a three-hour drive from our house, so we made a whole day of it. It was windy and chilly at the beach, but Riley seemed to love it. She wandered around on the sand and walked toward the water while wagging her tail (although we didn't let her go in because the water was very cold!), and was very content to sit on our blanket sniffing the air and listening to the waves and the seagulls. Just as I got my favorite pic of C and Ginny when we went to the beach last time, I captured my favorite pic of C and Riley as the wind blew her ears straight up at the beach. So adorable!
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| my favorite pic of C & Riley |
Her last days were not without challenges. The meds made her drowsy, but she had a hard time getting comfortable. She spent a lot of time sleeping on me or in my arms, and I slept in the family room with her each night because we didn't want her falling off the bed and hurting herself. Ginny clearly knew something was wrong and began distancing herself from Riley. I'm always amazed at how intuitive Ginny is, but such a gift comes with a downside…she knew we were going to lose Riley and she knew it was going to result in great sadness for us all.
On Monday, I called to make an appointment with Dr. T. for the next day, only to learn that her own health (she, too, is battling cancer) was forcing her to self-quarantine and not work for 6-8 weeks. I was in a panic because I didn't know what we were going to do. I chatted with Dr. T. on the phone later that day to once again ask for her advice, and she gave me several options. In the end, we decided to go back to our previous vet clinic and make an appointment with the vet who had seen Riley last Thursday night. She was so good with her that we felt she was our best option, but I second guessed myself from the moment I made the appointment to the moment she walked into the exam room the next morning.
We made the right choice.
She handled everything beautifully. She treated Riley with such respect and love that I was moved to tears. When the time came, I held Riley, C had his arm around me and his hand on Riley, and the vet knelt on the floor in front of us and said all of the comforting words we needed to hear. It was a very peaceful ending for our sweet girl and it seemed fitting to help her cross the Rainbow Bridge on St. Patrick's Day.
We are going to miss Riley so very much. In her short time with us, she made an indelible mark on our lives.
I believe she was meant to be ours. If you follow me on IG, you've seen how loyal she was to me. My mom would send me photos of her sitting by the door, just waiting for me to come home each day. I don't know what I've done to deserve that level of devotion, but it was amazing.
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| I can't handle these photos <3 |
In addition to regular photos, I'm including various posts from my IG stories…you'll see she quickly learned to love sleeping in the human bed.
I hope she's running with our other six girls and various family dogs, her sight restored and her heart filled with only the love we shared together.
As for Ginny, this is the seventh sister she has lost. She has always been the most sensitive of our dogs, and it is clear that she is grieving. We will get through this together, as we have before. Being quarantined in our house has been a blessing for the most part, because I haven't had to face anyone. Technology makes it is easy feel connected even when we can't see friends in person, but I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't mind a hug or two from people who understand.
Three of those people sent me flowers today, with a quote on the card that made me cry because it was the quote I was going to include in this post. That tells you that they get me. So grateful for their love.
“If you were lucky enough to know a great one,
they never really leave.
They stay with you as long as you live.
Harnessed to your heart, giving their all.”
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| in the parking lot where we met her |
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| first night at home - C kissed her... |
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| and she kissed him right back <3 |
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she had a circle of skin showing
where some idiot in her former life
kept her collar on too tightly for far too long...
she never wore a collar with us |
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| my mom saying goodbye |
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| Ginny & Riley's last moments together |
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after leaving the vet, we drove to the parking lot
where we met her in October and sat under the tree
from that night |
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heartbreaking...Ginny searched and searched
for her in the blanket we brought back from the vet |
various IG story slides:
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| I love my BFFs |
Happy Tails to you…
