Magoo

My worst fear has been realized…one of our dogs died while we were traveling; one of our dogs died when I wasn't at her side.

Magoo. Our beautiful Magoo.

Before Maddy, I'm not really sure I believed in the concept of love at first sight. Or maybe I thought I did, but until that fateful afternoon, I didn't understand the power of love at first sight. (Read about how we met her HERE.)

If you've followed along with any of my blog posts since the end of June, you know it's been a difficult summer. Honestly, that is putting it mildly. This summer has been the worst of my life. Thankfully, it appears that my mom is finally on the mend, but it is not overstating it to say we all thought we were going to lose her.

I canceled a trip to visit my dad in July, and we thought we would have to cancel our trip to Disneyland, especially after my mom had a second hospital stay. However, our family pulled together to give C and me a break for four days. My brothers and sister were able to spend time at my house and my uncle – my mom's brother – came down from Canada, too. We knew my mom would have excellent people keeping an eye on things for her.

One thing we knew my mom would not be able to do was watch Maddy and Ginny for four days. And with our baby niece also staying at our house, we figured it would just be easier on everyone, including Maddy and Ginny, if we checked our two pups into the kennel where they'd previously stayed on a few occasions. It is affiliated with our regular vet clinic and we booked a room with a webcam so we could check in on them at any time.

In order to stay there, Maddy and Ginny needed a few vaccinations, so I took them to see our Dr. T. on Thursday, August 9. We had noticed over the summer that Maddy had lost some of the spring in her step and that she was sleeping more than usual, but we mostly chalked it up to her age. She did well at her appointment with Dr. T., but we did plan on taking her back to the internist when we returned from California because she still had that tumor on her adrenal gland. When we got home after the vaccinations, she was behaving somewhat strangely and we were worried that something was wrong, but by Friday morning, she was back to her usual self and we figured she just had a reaction to the meds – again, she turned 13 in July and her advanced age was always at the forefront of my mind. We decided to keep an eye on her and make a decision about our trip by the end of the weekend.

She was fine on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so we decided to go ahead with our trip, which had us flying out on Tuesday morning and flying home on Friday night, arriving Saturday morning.

As I wrote in my last post, we dropped them off on Monday evening because our flight was super early on Tuesday morning before the kennel opened. Between Monday night and Saturday morning, I checked that webcam easily a hundred times. I loved being able to watch Maddy and Ginny throughout our trip! We noticed that they weren't eating much, but that was to be expected given that they were in a strange place with strangers feeding them. We also noticed that Ginny almost exclusively curled up in a little ball in the corner, which caused us some concern. Maddy, on the other hand, seemed fine – at least as fine as we would have hoped with her being on unfamiliar turf. The kennel did call and leave me a message about them not eating much, and when I returned their call, I gave them the go-ahead to try some different foods to see if they were interested. They assured me both dogs were doing well.

We were so excited to see them. SO excited. As we were in the Uber to the airport on Friday evening, we kept checking the webcam, which only heightened our excitement at picking them up in the morning as we watched them – Ginny tucked into her little corner, and Maddy resting near her but looking around at the goings-on.

The webcam was the last thing I checked before turning my phone off when we were on the plane. Both Maddy and Ginny appeared to be settled and sleeping, and I told myself it would be less than seven hours until I'd be holding them in my arms.

The webcam was the first thing I checked when I turned my phone on once we landed. They were in the same spots, and since it was only 5:45 in the morning, I didn't give it a second thought.

I checked the webcam again while C and I grabbed some breakfast to pass the time until the kennel opened, and again, there was no indication anything was wrong.

We were at the kennel at 6:55 (they opened at 7:00) and were quickly "checked out" at the desk. The employee grabbed two leashes and told us she'd be right back with them. I was poised with my camera ready because I was hoping to capture a video of them when they came out into the lobby where we were waiting.

After a few minutes, I started to think something was wrong because it was taking too long. I decided to check the webcam and I could see that the door to their kennel was open. Ginny was no longer in there. And Maddy was laying on the little cot in the same place she'd been since I'd looked at the camera when we landed.

The sense of dread I felt was sickening. I showed the camera to C and I could see on his face that he had the same fear. And then we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker asking for assistance in the annex, which is where they'd been staying. And we knew. At that moment, the world stopped spinning. And we were left just standing there waiting for someone to come and tell us she was gone.

The next half hour seemed to last a million years. One of the employees came to the lobby; C asked what was going on and she told us Maddy had passed away. I remember announcing loudly that I was going down there and the employee led the way. When we entered the annex, there were several employees standing around and one of them had Ginny on her leash. I am ashamed to admit that I only said a quick hello and petted her on the head absentmindedly as I stormed past to get to Maddy. The kennel door had been closed and I pulled on it frantically but could not open it. I have never in my life wanted to kick in a door before that moment. One of the employees rushed over to open it for me and I just fell to my knees beside the little cot and sobbed over her still little body. C took care of Ginny and was asking questions and I just sat with Maddy and cried. Ginny was crying and kind of freaking out, so C took her to the car and got a blanket that he brought back in to Maddy's kennel.

One of the employees said something about a vet again and I just remember saying, "We're taking her."

I wrapped our beloved little dog up in the blanket and carried her out to the car. We called our vet clinic and let them know we would be bringing Maddy in to be cremated, and when we arrived, they kindly put us right into a room. We were able to love on her and tell her how magical she was and how we were the luckiest people on the planet to have had the honor of loving her.

More than three days later, we are still in shock. Completely heartbroken. While it certainly seems that she did not suffer – that she simply went to sleep and never woke up – I am never going to not feel guilty that I wasn't with her. When we dropped them off on Monday evening, I told them, "It’s only 108 hours! You can do it!" and yet we were about six hours too late. The reality that I didn't get to hold her in her final moments is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

It is frightening how your whole life can change in an instant. We went from happiness at having just had an amazing trip to excitement when we arrived at the kennel to pick them up to utter devastation upon the dreadful discovery.

Anyone who had checked on her during the night would have thought she was sleeping. That's what I would have thought.

When I first heard the song "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers many years ago, I immediately knew that would be Maddy's song. I sang "I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart!" to her all the time, and when I did, she would wiggle around and wag her tail. Every single time. It was playing on the radio BOTH times we dropped her off for surgery last year. No joke. So we listened to that song on our way home without her on Saturday morning.

I miss my sweetheart.

I wrote in another post how everyone thought of her as "their" Magoo because she just gave so much love to her people. Her always wagging tail represented her joyful spirit and got her out of trouble when she was ripping up dog beds and covering the house in fluff. As you'll see below, it wasn't that she seemed like she was smiling…she WAS smiling. Always.

She had a rough start to life, being used as a breeding dog at a puppy mill, with her puppies being stolen from her for human profit. That might have broken lesser dogs. But not Maddy. She remained kind and loving, always ready to comfort those around her – dogs and people! – whether that meant sitting quietly beside someone through their sadness or licking tears off someone's cheeks as they cried. She was such a sensitive little soul.

And so tough. Two major surgeries in the last year (spleen and spine), and yet she never stopped wagging her tail.

I could write for weeks and not paint an accurate portrait of how happy and loving Maddy was. And since pictures are worth a thousand words, I am just going to share all of these photos of her because they speak for themselves. For just shy of nine years, she brought so much sunshine to our family.

The video clip is quintessential Maddy...running happily to give kisses. Like I've said...so full of love.

The final photo is one I took right before we left her to be cremated. A boy and his dog. He called her "Oreo" because of her coloring and I think that was her favorite nickname because her dad was the only one to call her that. I don't know why it wasn't in the cards for us to have children because C is the best father on the planet and I love this picture.

Maddy's Birthday: 7.23.05
Maddy's Gotcha Day: 9.11.09
Maddy's Rainbow Bridge Day: 8.18.18

Happy Tails to you...