Friday, January 12, 2024

2023: A Look Back

2023...don't let the door hit you on the way out.

There were certainly some highlights, but overall, it was a very difficult year.

The good stuff:

We started the year on the highest of notes by adopting Avalanche on January 1! It's hard to believe we've had him for an entire year already!

Other than Avalanche and spending time with our families, the best parts of the year revolved around travel.

Our domestic travel in 2023 included:

You may recall that I earned the Southwest Companion Pass and we made as much use of it as we possibly could. Over the course of 2023, we are able to use it for 21 free one-way flights for C! Twenty-one! Even though it expired at the end of 2023, Southwest had another promotion to earn a Companion Pass for two months - early January through early March - so we took advantage of that and have free companion flights booked for three upcoming trips. This will bring our total number of free one-way flights to 27! (In case you're wondering why it's an odd number, we flew on Southwest down to Costa Rica in June, but did not fly home on Southwest.)

Our international travel included our spring break trip to Switzerland, which had long been on our travel bucket list and Costa Rica, Colombia (Cartagena was a bust, but we loved Medellin and Bogota!), and Ecuador for our summer trip.

I must also mention the birthday weekend celebration my best friends planned for me in May as it was definitely a high point of my year!

Professionally, there were major changes for me in 2023. I started a new job with the Professional Learning Department in central office and I'm housed at two elementary schools. My first day of work was only nine days after losing my mom and it was a bit of a rough start as a result. However, my colleagues are wonderful and as I've grown into a position that is so different from anything I've done before, I'm really enjoying this new role.

The not-so-good stuff:

Losing my mom.

The most soul crushing experience of my life.

I'm planning on writing another post in a couple of weeks, so I'll save most of my thoughts for then, but all I can say is that I am not the same person I was when 2023 began. I tell people I'm fine and that I'm doing ok, but I'm not. I get emotionally overwhelmed very easily and as a result, I've been shutting people out. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to have to put on a happy face for people because obviously I have to do that all day long at work. The only way I can describe it is a feeling of being completely disinterested in just about everything. You know in the movie Inside Out when the emotional control panel just goes black? Pretty accurate depiction.

Now that we've moved into a new year, I am trying really hard to force myself to do things that I know will be fun even when I don't feel like it and it is definitely making a difference. I went out with two of my best friends this past weekend and I went to see the Frozen musical with one of them this week. I'm just trying to get myself back on track to live the kind of life I aspire to have and be the kind of person I aspire to be. I am so incredibly lucky to have the best husband I could ever hope for who has kept me afloat for the past six months while I have struggled to even put one foot in front of the other some days.

I have been reading and reading and reading about grief, and one of the things that comes up repeatedly is that it has no timeline and that healing looks different for everyone, so I'm doing my best to go easy on myself when things are slipping through the cracks. It will get better, that much I know. Until then, I am not going to beat myself up for how I'm navigating my grief. The people who matter to me have continued to check in and send me random texts and cute animal pics and funny memes and I am forever grateful to them for sticking with me.

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions, but I started something something last month that I have continued and will challenge myself to continue for all of 2024: I don't check my work email on my phone anymore. Back in December, I was prompted to enter my work email password on my phone and I just decided not to. I'd been having a rough day and I was just not in the mood to deal with it, so I told myself to forget it and just check my email the next morning when I got to work. Then I did the same thing the next day when I was prompted for a password. And the next, and so on. It has been great. Whatever the email is, it can wait. Does that mean that sometimes I get to work in the morning and there are more emails than I'd like to deal with first thing? Of course. But I haven't regretted for one single second not absent-mindedly checking my work email multiple times every evening and weekend. There have been a couple of occasions where I needed to check for a reply or answer to a question I had, but making the conscious decision to log in on my computer only when absolutely necessary has made a huge difference in my life. No more feeling annoyed by things I can't control or things I can't do anything about until I get to work the next day.

Good riddance, 2023 and hello, 2024. We have some fun travel planned for this year and if I'm being honest, looking forward to going away is what has kept me going. I was hoping as soon as the calendar changed to January, everything would be better, but unfortunately, that's not how real life works. However, little by little, it feels like the light and color is coming back into my life. It may be happening at a snail's pace, but it is happening.

this is my favorite pic from the entire year
because it’s from one of my favorite days of all time
#switzerland


Happy Tails to you!

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Life Lately November/December 2023

The last part of July, August, September, and October were filled with what seemed like a never-ending list of tasks and appointments related to my mom's estate. It felt like I couldn't ever catch up...so many phone calls and emails and forms and I was just trying to keep up with it all while learning a new job at the same time. One of the last big appointments was at the very end of October and then suddenly, there was nothing to do but wait as bureaucracy runs its course.

While I might have spent those three-plus months hoping for a break, once things settled down a little bit, the reality was that I felt lost in the calm. My mom's absence was deafening. This led to a really tough time because it coincided with the impending holiday season and the heartache I was experiencing was crippling. I knew these first holidays without my mom would be tough, but I underestimated just how debilitating they would be.

We spent Thanksgiving with B2 and S2; S2's parents invited us for Thanksgiving dinner and I was so touched they would think to include us. As for Christmas, we celebrated with B1, S1, B2, S2, and our niece and nephew on December 23 - it was a weird one for all of us, as my mom's absence was felt so deeply, but there's nowhere I'd have rather been than with my brothers. On December 24, C and I drove up to Canada for a few days to spend Christmas with his parents - it was so nice to be with them and have things feel somewhat normal and they are truly my second mom and dad. I had a bit of a breakdown on Christmas morning, but tried to honor my mom in my own little ways.

Now that it's January, I am proud to say I survived the holidays. I survived. It wasn't easy, and I certainly didn't get into the Christmas spirit at all. We didn't put up a tree or hang any lights; if you came to our house there was not a single indication that it was December. I just couldn't bring myself to celebrate, much less decorate. My grief has manifested itself in so many different ways since losing my mom and all I know for sure is that I have to let myself feel the big feelings in whatever way feels right at the time.

As for the non-holiday parts of the past two months...

C had a few dermatology appointments and several spots of skin cancer were identified - all but one were minor, but there was a spot on his neck that needed to be cut out and he ended up with an incision about two inches in length that required stitches and was bandaged up for ten days. Still reeling from the loss of my mom, i struggled with even hearing C's name and the word "cancer" in the same sentence, but his neck healed nicely and hopefully it was caught early enough that there won't be any further issues.

In November, we had a family get together up in New York to celebrate my YaYa's 94th birthday and B2's 40th birthday. It was a beautiful day and while I've always treasured my family, time spent together is extra special to me now. This past weekend, we drove up to New Jersey to visit my YaYa and any chance I have to see him is such a gift.

I got sick during Thanksgiving break and whatever that flu was, it took me out - the endless coughing and congestion and losing my voice by the end of every day were bad enough, but it was really the exhaustion that was most challenging. It was pretty relentless for about ten days, and then lingered until almost Christmas.

Some happy trips and milestones: trips to WDW in November and December, and C and I celebrated 35 years together on December 17 and 29 years of married life on December 31!

Finally,

My mom requested that we scatter her ashes in three places, one of which was the Grand Canyon. C, B1, B2, and S2 went hiking there with my dad at the beginning of December and they were able to scatter some of her ashes in a very special spot. They hiked all the way down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and then back out in one day - which you may recall C did with my dad with past April. My two brothers have done it countless times, it was S2's first time, C's second time, and my dad's 33rd time! I'm currently working on fulfilling her request at the second location, but this particular spot has a limited open season so it might take some time for everything to fall into place. I'll get her there.

After these two months of sickness and sadness, things are finally looking up. Also, Avalanche is adorable, so enjoy all of the pics of him!

my awesome neighbor took this pic of our house

we made an ofrenda for the Day of the Dead

my car turned 16 years old and hit 250,000 miles

ordered my mom's favorite sundae

and her favorite donut


Husky dramatics
















Avalanche met Santa

I can't






Happy Tails to you!

Monday, January 1, 2024

WDW December 2023

If I'm being honest, I wasn't really looking forward to this trip. Of course I love traveling and I love WDW, but I'd been having a hard time time since mid-November...the holiday season was a serious challenge for me and I got pretty sick at Thanksgiving and dealt with that for several weeks. However, C assured me that a little Disney Magic would lift my spirits and he was right!

every year, this Christmas tree at Contemporary
is my very favorite in all of WDW

One cute thing that happened at the airport: two of my amazing friends happened to be on the same early morning flight!



We stayed at Port Orleans Riverside in one of the Royal Guest Rooms which are super cute with adorable prince and princess details. Overall, it is such a nice resort and we always enjoy our stays here!













My favorite thing about these rooms?
The fiber optic fireworks in the headboards!



Over the course of the trip, we went to three of the theme parks and were even able to meet up with one of best friends for a little while when we were both at MK! The holiday decorations at the parks were so pretty, and I particularly love the nostalgic feel of the decor at DHS! When we had breakfast at Whispering Canyon Cafe, our server told us a little known fact about the Millenium Falcon in Galaxy's Edge - that there's a miniature Millenium Falcon mounted under the big one! He described its location, and of course we had to go and find it!



















our server told us to look under the cockpit

we found it!




One of the best things about the holidays at WDW is the decor at the resorts, so we took some time to visit a bunch of them!

Riverside

Wilderness Lodge

Grand Floridian

Grand Floridian

French Quarter

Boardwalk

Boardwalk

Yacht Club

Animal Kingdom Lodge





Beaches and Cream

our server at Whispering Canyon Cafe
was pretty entertaining...
first he brought my drink in the tiny glass,
then brought me a regular glass,
and then when I asked for a refill,
he brought this enormous half gallon


We visit "our" gazebo whenever possible to reminisce and remember very happy times!


So even though I'd been having a really hard time in the weeks leading up to the trip, I'm glad we didn't cancel it because our time away definitely lifted my sagging spirits. Disney Magic at work!

Happy Tails to you!