Life Lately May & June 2023

Another school year has come to an end and I am so relieved. While every year is tiring because it just comes with the territory, the past few years have been particularly draining. I thought last school was rock bottom for me because I was dealing with serious grief, but to be honest, this school year was way worse.

The cumulative of the effects of the previous three years were further compounded by my mom's serious health struggles this year and I'm not being dramatic when I say that there were many moments when I wanted to quit my job - not because I dislike it (I actually really love my job!), but rather because I was so overwhelmed mentally and emotionally. I was counting down the hours until I could go home when I was at work and simultaneously counting down the days until the weekend. Just existing, really.

I have a long, rich history of burying my feelings and acting like everything is fine because I've never wanted to be a bother or a burden to anyone, and I found myself being less and less able to do this. I tried my best at school to focus on work and be positive (and I think for the most part I was successful), but this came at a cost because every day I would come home and have absolutely nothing left in my tank.

In retrospect, I probably should have taken my mental health more seriously because I was really struggling. Do you know that scene in Inside Out where the control board went completely black and she just felt nothing? That's a pretty accurate depiction of what was happening to me. And when it wasn't that "nothing" feeling, I just cried. A lot and often. I hid this from almost everyone out of fear of being judged even though I have the kindest people in my life. Those few people in whom I confided were an amazing support system and I am so incredibly grateful for them.

Things slowly improved over the past eight weeks or so because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and I made the conscious decision to step away from some things to lighten my load. On those very dark days, when I was struggling to see anything good, C always reminded me that better days were ahead, made me laugh like only he can, and did anything and everything to make my life easier. The epitome of "in good times and in bad."

I believe much of my natural optimism has returned and I'm feeling much more like myself now, consistently, unlike when I'd have one good day among many not-so-good ones. The countdown to the last day of school filled me with happy anticipation because one of the awesome things about being a teacher is that there is a definitive end to each year and a fresh start to look forward to a few months later!

I've also recently adopted an approach that has already made a big difference for me: when I'm asked to do something or go somewhere, I ask myself, "What joy or value will this add to my life?" The answer to that simple question has made it easier for me to say no to things that in the past I would have agreed to even when I knew I'd regret it. #recoveringpeoplepleaser

cute little things like this message
from a student make me smile

sweet notes are wonderful, too

Anyone associated to public schools in any way knows that spring is testing season. We had eight state tests across three grades and I wore a pair of ears on every testing day for no reason other than to bring a little joy to stressful days:

I've already written about the non-school-related highlights of May - going to Boston for C's birthday, my BFF Birthday Weekend, and our Disney Cruise. It was a pretty great month!

The first half of June was pretty uneventful. Other than driving Avalanche up to Canada this past weekend, it's just been finishing the end-of-year stuff at school and packing up my office. As for Summer Camp, it took Avalanche a few days to settle in, but he is definitely enjoying his time with C's parents and getting into a little mischief digging in their garden! One thing he is having a bit of a hard time with is sleeping upstairs with them, so they've taken turns sleeping with him in the family room - going so far as to move a mattress from a the guest room! I love them sooooooo for doing this to keep him company and make him feel safe!

Is this not the most precious scene?!?

Naturally May and the first half of June have also consisted of me continuing to take as many pics of Avalanche as possible:

Avalanche's fur after C combs him!

The good news is that the second half of June is going to be great! I plan to post daily while we're on our trip because it's easier to manage the photos from a 25-day trip a little at a time rather than trying to deal with them all after the fact. We've been looking forward to this trip for a long time and I'm thrilled it's finally here!

Happy Tails to you!